THE BOY WHO SENT THE DEAD MAN'S TWEET: CHAPTER ONE: THE WRONG HOTEL
Journey to India, Africa and cruise the Blue Danube in search of a vicious serial killer.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, October 11, 2012
WE HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED DURCHEINADER. HERE'S A COMMERCIAL YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS.
Good Evening.Good Evening.
FOX SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES PRESENTSHITCHCOCK
- Academy Award® Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins
- Academy Award® Winner Helen Mirren
- Scarlett Johansson
- Toni Collette
- Danny Huston
- Jessica Biel
HITCHCOCK
In Theatres 2012
TM and © 2012 Fox and its related entities. All rights reserved.
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DURCHEINANDER / Chapter Eleven / BERNARD'S FAMOUS TOMATO STAND
CHAPTER 11
BERNARD'S FAMOUS TOMATO STAND
ARE WE THERE YET? / July 15, 2013
The crickets were driving him crazy. He smashed one on the counter with his fist He went to the file cabinet and stared at the files. The thought of killing all those people made him forget about the crickets for a minute and he felt some relief.
The sound of tires on the gravel driveway brought him back to the maddening sound of thousands of crickets.
First the redhead. Then the drug dealer. Then Mr. Durcheinander. "No more dumplings for you!" He laughed. Now what?
"Hope you're still open!?" A man holding a sleepy little girl tapped on the screen door. "Do you mind if we use your restroom?"
"Sure. Come in." He noticed they had a very nice car.
"I'm John Drayton. This is my wife Lidia and our kids, Linda and Hank." John introduced his family.
"Ya'll sure have a lot of crickets out here. I'm surprised they can survive this heat!" Mrs. Drayton made polite conversation.
"You can hear them too?" He looked through her and appeared to be puzzled.
An awkward silence loomed.
"Well, just point us towards the restroom and we'll be out of your hair." John didn't like the way he felt.
"Of course we'd be happy to buy some of your tomatoes..." Lidia tried to break the ice.
"Come on, honey. Let's just go to the car." John said softly to his wife.
"How come you only got one hand, mister?" young Hank blurted.
"Hank!" Lidia pulled her son close to her. "Where are your manners?"
"No. That's alright. I'm the one who forgot his manners. Bathrooms are around back. Follow me."
Against his better judgement, John Drayton and his family followed the man.
A few hours later the man drove away in the Drayton's car with the body of Edgar Bernard in the trunk. It wouldn't do to allow the fire department to find Edgar's remains.
For insurance, in case the crickets followed him again, the back seat held Edgar's customer files.
BERNARD'S FAMOUS TOMATO STAND
ARE WE THERE YET? / July 15, 2013
The crickets were driving him crazy. He smashed one on the counter with his fist He went to the file cabinet and stared at the files. The thought of killing all those people made him forget about the crickets for a minute and he felt some relief.
The sound of tires on the gravel driveway brought him back to the maddening sound of thousands of crickets.
First the redhead. Then the drug dealer. Then Mr. Durcheinander. "No more dumplings for you!" He laughed. Now what?
"Hope you're still open!?" A man holding a sleepy little girl tapped on the screen door. "Do you mind if we use your restroom?"
"Sure. Come in." He noticed they had a very nice car.
"I'm John Drayton. This is my wife Lidia and our kids, Linda and Hank." John introduced his family.
"Ya'll sure have a lot of crickets out here. I'm surprised they can survive this heat!" Mrs. Drayton made polite conversation.
"You can hear them too?" He looked through her and appeared to be puzzled.
An awkward silence loomed.
"Well, just point us towards the restroom and we'll be out of your hair." John didn't like the way he felt.
"Of course we'd be happy to buy some of your tomatoes..." Lidia tried to break the ice.
"Come on, honey. Let's just go to the car." John said softly to his wife.
"How come you only got one hand, mister?" young Hank blurted.
"Hank!" Lidia pulled her son close to her. "Where are your manners?"
"No. That's alright. I'm the one who forgot his manners. Bathrooms are around back. Follow me."
Against his better judgement, John Drayton and his family followed the man.
A few hours later the man drove away in the Drayton's car with the body of Edgar Bernard in the trunk. It wouldn't do to allow the fire department to find Edgar's remains.
For insurance, in case the crickets followed him again, the back seat held Edgar's customer files.
~ THE END ~
STAY TUNED FOR THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF OUR SHOW
We hope you are enjoying tonight's program, DURCHEINANDER, the story of a beautiful blonde and her ex-husband, the disbarred attorney.
Before we return to our show, we'd like to take a moment to thank our lovely sponsors in the state of "in absentia." As you may have noticed, they are not nearly as annoying when they are in that commonwealth.
DURCHEINANDER / Chapter Ten / TOMMY'S REPLACEMENT
DURCHEINANDER
THE HOMAGE TO SIR ALFRED HITCHCOCK
Chapter Ten
TOMMY'S REPLACEMENT / July 26, 2013
Wendell Johnson locked the front door of Melanie's Burger Bistro and went to the rooftop to see if there was anything Melanie wanted from the kitchen before he retired. He found Melanie and company surrounded by empty wine bottles and open bags of potting soil. Thelma, Melanie and their gentleman friend had dirt all over their hands, faces and clothes.
"Good evening, Thelma and Louise. Who, pray tell is the handsome gallant you've been hogging all evening." Wendell winked at Mitchell Doyle.
"This is Mr. Doyle. He owns the building. Thelma replied.
"Even better," Wendell showed more interest.
"Mr. Doyle, this is Mr. Wendell Johnson, our new cook." Thelma properly introduced them.
"You know, Mr. Doyle, I'm the one who make the crickets go away. I'm an exceptional cook and..." Wendell began.
"Save it. He's taken, " Thelma laughed. "You're late. Louise nabbed him." Thelma stepped back and tripped over a bag of potting soil. She landed on her rear end. "Give me a hand, Louise. I've fallen and I can't get up."
"You two simply must stop calling me Louise! The new customers are calling me Louise!" Melanie insisted.
"Well, I'm just happy to see you all in good spirits, and I do mean 'spirits' in the alcoholic sense of the word. What a mess! What on earth is going on up here?" Wendell surveyed the scene.
"We're just testing rose wines and planting the next crop of tomato vines." Mitch made no excuses.
"Can I get you people anything from the kitchen before I turn in? Another crate of wine, perhaps?" Wendell offered.
"Why yes, Wendell. Thank you. Please bring us that last bag of Bernard's Bone Meal from the pantry. We had a bag but Thelma seems to've misplaced it. I do hope she didn't place it on the ledge and allow it to fall on some poor tourist's head. Bad for business." Melanie replied.
"It prevents blossom end rot, you know," Thelma added.
"What? Getting hit on the head or the fertilizer?" Mitch asked.
Melanie laughed so hard she snorted. She was trying to help Thelma to get up but kept losing her grip and dropping her.
"You SNORTED! Miss Prim Proper snorted! Did you fellas hear that?!" Thelma's eyes were watering.
"Well, we don't want blossom end rot, do we?" Wendell shook his head and went to get the fertilizer. He returned too soon with a ghastly pale complexion.
"There's a mad man ripping the kitchen apart!" Wendell said in a strained whisper.
"Call the police!" Thelma scrambled to her feet. "Our phones are in the office downstairs!"
"So is mine!" Wendell cringed.
Suddenly they heard a phone ring.
"O Thank God!" Thelma declared. "A customer probably forgot their phone. Thank God! Find it!"
"It's coming from over there!" Mitch pointed. They all ran towards the ringing phone.
"It's coming from inside that bag of bone meal." Melanie said with a feeling of horror growing stronger each second.
"Just rip it open! Give it to me!" Wendell dusted off the phone off and answered it.
"Hello," Wendell said in a nice, polite manner, as if nothing was wrong.
"Jesus! Wendell! Have you lost your mind!? Hang up and call the police!" Mitch growled.
Wendell pulled away as if he was making a private call.
"Honey, I sound different because I'm not Tommy. Tommy isn't here right now. Listen, whoever you are, I need to hang up now because I have an important call." Wendell explained to the stranger who said she was calling from Baker and wanted to know why Tommy never showed up.
"The fire escape!" Thelma suggested.
"No! Thelma! No!" Wendell put his hand over the mouth piece. "He's down there waiting for us!" He warned and then went back to his call.
"Your name is Josephine? OK, Miss Josephine, I'm going to have to be rude and put you on hold. I can't imagine why he paid for a babysitter for Benjamine and then didn't show up. We'll talk about it in a minute." Wendell put Josephine on hold and dialed 911. "It's ringing. It's ringing."
"Who the hell are you talking to?" Mitch, Thelma and Melanie surrounded Wendell.
"I don't know! Some lady named Josephine with a kid named Ben who wants to talk to somebody named Tommy. I put her on hold. I couldn't hang up on her. She sounds so distressed!" Wendell said while the phone was ringing on the other end. "Still ringing. Still ringing."
"Melanie, isn't Tommy Barton the name of the cook I replaced?" Wendell asked. "Still ringing. Still ringing."
Melanie clutched her pearl necklace so tightly it broke. She fainted and landed with a loud thud.
Wendell completely lost it. He started screaming and couldn't stop.
Mitch grabbed the phone and talked to the police.
Thelma pointed towards the ocean.
"Wendell! Wendell! Snap out of it! Is that the man you saw in the kitchen?" Thelma pointed to a man running down the beach.
"I hope so!" Wendell declared as he strugged to regain his cool.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a chorus of crickets began to chirp loudly.
"I spoke too soon. About the crickets." Wendell said in a daze.
Mitch put his jacket over Melanie and told the police they needed an ambulance.
"She's in shock. Was it what Wendell asked or did she get a closer look at that crazy man before we did? And how did Tommy Barton's phone get into a sealed sack of bone meal?" Thelma asked
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~
GOOD EVENING.
Here is a station break we know you will enjoy.Good Evening.
Good Evening.
FOX SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES PRESENTSHITCHCOCK
- Academy Award® Winner Sir Anthony Hopkins
- Academy Award® Winner Helen Mirren
- Scarlett Johansson
- Toni Collette
- Danny Huston
- Jessica Biel
HITCHCOCK
In Theatres 2012
TM and © 2012 Fox and its related entities. All rights reserved.
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